The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
organizing the empties. That sober.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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