There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
