after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
