I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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