so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
