i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
