One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
