I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
