the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
