My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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