these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
