U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
