Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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