Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
