why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
