i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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