Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
