i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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