then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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