He asked to "fluff my boner.."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
