Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
