dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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