saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we made out on top of his cat.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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