Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
