you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Randomize
