so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
