I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
