yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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