So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
