Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
