A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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