He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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