I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
