the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I need to stop coming to work sober
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You ruined the universe
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
