it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
