He disabled his match.com account in front of me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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