Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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