Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
