ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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