I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
