Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
