What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
