i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
