This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
