Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
