So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
