maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
