my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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