Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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