So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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