Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize